Fuck, I Failed, Now What? Here are 5 Things to Do When You've Failed
“Well shit, how y’all doing?” - Leslie Jordan. Want to know how I’m doing? One day I am happy, then the next, I am sad, and another, I am in a cloud letting the wind drift me to where I need to go since I am confused about where I’m supposed to be and my purpose in this world. Why did God place me here? Why did my soul choose to be here during this time? Some people know exactly what they’re supposed to be doing in life. While others, like myself, it takes us some time to get to that point. It takes multiple failures and redirections, tears, and pain. Hopefully, we get to where we need to be; some are blessed to have it figured out when their young, freshly out of high school, or before then. Others don’t know until their late 50’s. Well, as I’m getting close to reaching 30, I think I’m in the latter group. But we will see what happens, I’m still young, and I think I’m very close to finding my purpose in life. There are moments where I feel as though life isn’t fair. I have failed so many times. However, I noticed after each failure, I get a whisper saying, “you’re almost there; keep going. I’m just preparing you.” When I look back on them, my failures have pushed me.
My first experience with life not being fair was when I had perfect attendance in 5th grade, but somehow I was absent one day and could not go to the end of the year pizza party. Now, as a Virgo and my perfectionist ass, this pissed me off. But what made me madder is the fact I knew the mistake the teacher made. She marked me absent one day instead of the only other black girl in the class who was one that was absent. Of course, I would remember my best friend at the time being absent from school since being the only black girl in class was pretty dreadful back in those days. I remember my friend being shocked by her name being called and looking right at me, as if saying, “This is supposed to be you, but somehow I got it?” I almost cried that day because I really wanted to go to the pizza party, and I worked hard to show up to school daily and keep my grades up to earn it. It sounds funny as hell today, being mad at the fact I couldn’t go to a freaking pizza party but we know at that age, that was all we cared about. That day, I learned no matter how much work you put into something, there can be things that end up screwing up your plan. Whether they were from mistakes you made or things you couldn’t control. Life isn’t fair at times, and that’s the hard truth we have to learn.
However, it’s moments like those that prepare us for failure and situations that are out of our control. I failed at work, failed at school, failed at adulting, and even failed at love. Or have I? I have a better job than before. I’ve gotten a job in a field I do not have a degree in. Over time I’ve learned the necessary skills to have for the said job because even when I was out of school, I continued to learn. I separated from my child’s father, who I thought I would one day marry and have a 2 parent household with and raise our child and future children together. Things changed, and we both felt that it would be best that we separated. I left with nothing. Decided to move back in with my parents because that’s what any failed human being would do, run to their parents or closest blood relative or friend for help when they have nothing and failed miserably and need help to get back on their feet. That’s if they’re willing to open their arms and help. Because some people do not care about how you feel and will dump you on the street simply because they might have their own problems to deal with. Not everyone has it in their heart to help someone get back on their feet. So, be thankful if you do have people in your life that help you through challenging situations.
I could’ve obviously let my pride get the best of me; oh no, I’m 26, a single mom, living with my family. My image is damaged. Or I could just say I knew something was wrong and was okay with starting over. I felt myself creating a mental prison for myself, not having a way out because I knew if I leave, I have to go through the most challenging part of life. People gossiping, people not being happy with me moving into their place, people saying, “See, we told you so,” and talking down on me like their life is perfect. To all of that, I say fuck it because when it gets to this point, you should not give a fuck about the opinions of others if your mental health is going to shit. It’s up to you to drop your pride and go after what you think your soul needs to feel content. I felt as though I have learned what I needed to learn from where I was in life, and it was time to move on to the next part of my life journey. I talked to God out loud and asked Him, is this what I needed to do? He said, “yes, to get where you need to go. It’s painful, and it’s going to hurt, but it must be done.” And so, I chose to begin anew.
How am I doing now that I have started over? I’m doing okay; there are moments where I am delighted. I feel much better than I have felt in the past few years. It doesn’t mean I didn’t have any happy moments because I did. I feel like I am back to who I am supposed to be, or close to it. Being depressed and living with anxiety sure can change you into the worst version of yourself possible. I’m not really back to my best self, or whatever I imagine that to be, but I feel as though I’m getting there with time. Life is pretty crazy right now as I tackle life as a single mom and trying to start over. I feel as though I am genuinely adulting and catching up on things my peers have been doing for years. I think I have a pretty good balance going on, being responsible but having fun while doing it. I reward myself for every small win instead of focusing on any failure. When I fail, I look for the lesson it’s supposed to teach me or wait for what God has in store for me because it’s usually better than what I originally wanted. There are days where I’m struggling and have to deal with negativity, then there are days where I feel good and am thankful for the life I have. Come to think of it, I haven’t failed yet, because I keep getting back up.
5 Things to Do When You Think You’ve Failed at Life
Stop thinking of failure as a bad thing. We only view something as a failure because we are either still living to society’s standard or trying to prove something to others. If I had a different view of life and not thinking I needed to achieve certain things by a certain age, I wouldn’t have viewed such things as failures.
Ask yourself why do you think you failed? Do we have another chance at this opportunity in the future or to obtain something better? If yes, then let’s not stress about it.
Live in the unknown. Not knowing what’s going to happen next is pretty scary but you just might come across an “ah-ha” moment. A lot of people get their breakout moment when they hit their lowest because they got that ah-ha moment and the struggle is the push that they needed to get there.
Plan. Without a plan, you are planning to fail. Now, I know some plans just don’t work out. Trust me, I know. Still, make a plan, write out your goals, and manifest them. Picture how you want your life to be and act like you’re already living that life that way it can come to fruition.
Fail forward. Take note of all your small wins, and not what you lost in the process. There’s no such thing as failing when you’re still moving forward in life.
Getting back up is the hard part, but you reach new highs each time when you get up. Everyone fails. Failing isn't easy but it's a necessary part of life. So let’s replace the word with learning or growing because that’s what it is. It’s okay to not be okay and to not know what’s going to happen next. Remember that as long as you don’t give up and live one day at a time without constantly thinking about the past and worrying about the future, you’ll be okay. Life is pretty crazy, but not living through the ups and downs, lessons, and experiences is crazier. As Namjoon from the boy band, BTS said, “I live, so I love.” Because what is loving without living and living without loving the life we have? You have to live to experience love and love to experience life. Thanks for reading and ta-ta for now!